dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
