...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
