Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
