He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
