Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think a kid would responsible me up
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
