I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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