U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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