I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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