Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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