hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.