Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.