Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
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God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background