I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.