i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am spending my child support on dildos
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.