I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
