Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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