Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.