so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
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I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob