Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
