So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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