It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
