Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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