I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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