I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
