Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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