Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
