You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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