Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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