Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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