By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
