I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
