so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
