Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
