my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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