So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
