First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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