Where did you get a picture of my penis
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
