If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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