First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
