There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
