ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
