Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
