I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
