I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
