It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
