I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
