No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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