why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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