u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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