I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
