You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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