Did you just see the Batmobile???
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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