Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
