since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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