How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
