i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
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