Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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