Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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