I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i think i just lost a toe
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
