It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
