It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
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I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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