Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize