wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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