Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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