is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
