im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
