its not stalking. its research.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
