I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
