She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
