is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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