I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
