either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
