Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I could make wine with my vomit
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
