There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
