Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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