This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We left the knife in your bed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
