I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
