New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
