His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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