Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize