Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
