So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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